1 Wait until Saturday, drive to Supercheap and buy oil, filter, kitty-litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a
cheque for $65:00
2 Stop at Superliquor and buy a box of beer, write a cheque for $25:00, Drive home
3 Open a beer and drink it
4 Jack car up, spend 45 minutes looking for axle stands
5 Find axle stands under kids trolley
6 In frustration, open another beer
7 Place drain pan under engine
8 Look for 9/16 socket and rachet
9 Give up and use cresent
10 Unscrew drain plug
11 Drop drain plug in the hot oil burning your forearm and face, swear (lots)
12 Crawl out from under the car to wipe hot oil off face and arms, throw kitty-litter on spilt oil
13 Have another beer while watching oil drain
14 Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench
15 Give up, crawl under the car and smack a screwdriver through the oil filter and twist off
16 Crawl out from under car spilling oil from holes in the filter and cleverly hide it in the trash to avoid any
enviromental penalties, have another beer
17 Buddy shows up, finish box of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go and see his
new garage door opener
18 Sunday; Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change". Drag pan of old oil from under the car and
cleverly bury it in the back yard to avoid taking it to the recycling centre
19 Throw kitty-litter on oil spilled during step 18
20 Beer? no, drank it all yesterday
21 Walk to superliquor, buy more beer
22 Install new filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to the gasket
23 Dump first new litre of oil in the engine
24 Remember drain plug from step 11
25 Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan
26 Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with the drain plug
27 Drink beer
28 Shovel out hole and sift through oily mud for drain plug, Re-shovel oily mud back into hole and cleverly
cover oily patch with sand from the kids sand-pit
29 Discover that the first litre of new oil is now on the floor, cover with kitty-litter
30 Drink beer
31 Crawl under car, getting kitty-litter in your eyes, wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug, slip with
stupid crescent trying to tighten drain plug, smack knuckles on the chassis
32 Bang head on frame in reaction to step 31
33 Begin swearing fit
34 Throw stupid cresent
35 Swear for additional 10 minutes because cresent hit last years "best in show" trophy
36 Beer
37 Clean up hands and forehead and bandage to stop blood flow
38 Beer
39 Beer
40 Dump in 5 litres of fresh oil
41 Beer
42 Lower car from axle stands
43 Accidently crush remaining oil pack
44 Move car back to apply kitty-litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23-43
45 Beer
46 Test drive car
47 Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence
48 Car gets impounded
49 Call loving wife, make bail
50 Wait until Monday morning, get car from impound yard
MONEY SPENT
Parts $ 65:00
Beer $ 50:00
DIC $2500:00
Impound fee $ 75:00
Bail $1500:00
TOTAL $4190:00
BUT YOU KNOW THE JOB WAS DONE RIGHT!!!!!
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